A crisis of confidence

Wow !

It has been a month today since I last posted one of my semi-daily updates. I am not really sure what happened, somehow I just lost my blogging – and more seriously, my photography mojo.  In the last few weeks of my African travels I hardly took any photos at all. I love big landscapes and until we got to Rwanda in the last days the landscapes were, to be brutally honest – a bit dull. There was nothing fundamentally wrong with them, but compared to Namibia and Botswana they did not wow me – in fact some places reminded me of driving through the back roads of New Zealand’s north island! I think the lack of landscapes and the constant travelling just left me short of imagination.

I am now back in London, I had committed to myself to get all the photo editing completed and the blog posts updated as soon as I arrived. However, the motivational crisis continues and I find myself, a week later, no closer to where I was when I left Rwanda’s capital, Kigali.

I am suffering from a small crisis of confidence, I have lost my desire to blog, and I was blogging for me as much as anyone else – this is sort of my diary of my travels. Though thankfully I have taken to scribbling in notebooks as well. I seem to have lost the ability to take photos I really like, I have taken pictures, I made myself take some for the record – I just don’t particularly like many of them. This was never a problem for me earlie in the trip and I cannot explain the cause – I blame the camera : ) (photography joke!)

I have come to the UK to look for an IT contract for a few months with the intention of living cheapish and saving as much as possible so I can “do” Europe next summer. I have applied for a few roles and have not had any response at all. I knew this would the be the case and pretty much expected it to happen – and I mean, it has only been a week ! But I do feel a bit let down, my skills and experience are not so bad that I warrant being totally ignored – I am being overly precious I know, but it has just added to the wee confidence crisis I am facing.

It is time to take some concrete pills and do as Chopper Read says, and “harden the f**k up!”…

Blog catch ups will come – and soon, a good public “woe is me” and I feel better already!

About wheresphil

Originally from Auckland, New Zealand, now living in London.
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